We’ve discussed the social dangers inherent in choosing a name before in this blog; but a hysterical column in the UK Times has more to say on the subject, parsing what kinds of names teachers see on a class list and immediately think “That kid sounds like trouble.” According to a recently published “Teacher’s Pet and Pest Name Chart,” Liam, Jack, Chelsea and Brooke are troublemakers; Adam, Alexander, Emma, and Charlotte are lil angels.
As Times reporter Melanie McDonagh writes, “In 2005, an informal poll in The Times Educational Supplement found that the names that ‘inspired the most dread’ in teachers included ‘anything with a hyphen’ (Bobby-Jo), variants of common names with weird spellings (Hollee and Kloe) and the chav [trashy] favourites, Tyler, Wayne, (’a terror’), Britney, and worst of all, Paige.”
McDonagh goes on to say that “Children who are called after places, or characters and actors in soaps and American sitcoms are likely to come from families that not only watch soaps but, terrifyingly, model themselves on them. Their children behave accordingly…Naming children after saints was once common to all classes. Now the once ubiquitous Thomases, Johns, Jameses, Marys and Agneses are more likely to be the preserve of classes that don’t need to show off their wilful originality. Or at least, classes that are alive to the social handicap a name such as Crystal would involve. All you have to do is imagine the late Alan Clark pronouncing the name in question to see what I mean: would it be with a grimace or without? The quest for originality is probably the killer. You didn’t get the ruling house of Prussia trying to be original when it baptised all its eldest sons either Frederick or William, now did you?”
LOL. For comparison, here is a list of upwardly mobile baby names in America, compiled by the authors of the book Freakonomics.
Pictured: Chelsea Clinton, a troublemaker?