Finances

You’ve seen him once or twice at the playground — the totally involved and evolved stay-at-home dad. Who is this thoroughly modern man, and what makes him tick?

The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family, offers a look into the changing world of fatherhood today. Inspired by author Jeremy Smith’s year spent at home with his young son, this book investigates the stories of a diverse group of dads who have embraced care giving and egalitarian marriages, from both a social and economic standpoint.

How 2009.

Available at beacon.org.

Working with friends can be risky business. But now may be a good time to launch that million-dollar idea you and your pal have been bouncing around for years (after all, chocolate chip cookies, Monopoly and the supermarket were all invented during the Great Depression).

Buddies and business partners Renee Warren and Kirsten Poe Hill launched Noelle-Elaine Media Inc., a New York City-based event management, media relations and production company, 15 years ago. Now with a new book, You Buy the Peanut Butter, I’ll Get the Bread: The Absolutely True Adventures of Best Friends in Business, Warren and Hill share some tips from the trenches.

Test the waters: Before quitting your full-time job and investing all of your time, energy and money in a business, first try teaming up on a few projects. See how you work together and whether you understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

Assess yourselves: When it comes to skill sets and experience, see if you and your friend complement each other. Is one of you detail oriented? Which one of you has more finesse when it comes to dealing with clients?

Draw the line: Establish grounds rules and boundaries. Separate your business and friendship (so basic, so crucial — and, yet, sometimes so difficult).

Divide and conquer: Determine who’s doing what and how you’ll decide who takes the lead on each project/account.

Know when to fold: Just like in a marriage, you’re not going to win every argument. Deal with it. You might not understand the other person’s point of view, but you still need to acknowledge that you’re both intelligent — isn’t that why you decided to collaborate in the first place?

Match on money matters: Choose a partner who has similar ideas about money. If one person is a saver and the other a spender, you’re going to have a culture clash.

Roll with it: Be flexible when there are changes in the environment, the economy or your partner’s family situation (marriage, new baby, etc).

Visit peanutbutterbreadbook.com.

You’re already working on maintaining a good attitude, communication and commitment with your spouse, your boss and your kids. What about your bank account?

Get on the right foot with your finances: The savvy lady leaders at Citi’s Women & Co. shared their tips on forming a healthy relationship with money.

Commit to your budget. Be realistic about your spending habits, and set a limit for yourself. Monitor your budget and spending habits closely and regularly, and be prepared to change your budget to adjust to any lifestyle changes that may occur.

Communicate. Discuss your financial situation with your spouse/partner, financial advisor and yourself. Share any feelings or experiences that may shape your attitude towards financial activity. Communicating your financial flaws and past mistakes will help you determine the most effective way to save, spend and budget.

Be involved. It is important that you are involved in your finances — and if you have a spouse/partner, you both should be on the same page with creating and maintaining a financial game plan. Remember, knowledge is power, and by knowing all the financial facts of your life, you will have a much better sense of control.

Honesty is the best policy. Be honest and realistic about your goals, as well as the sacrifices you’ll need to make in order to meet them. Maintaining a budget and financial plan will be extremely difficult if there’s any denial or disagreement with your loved one about money. It is possible that what you consider a “want,” your other half considers a “need.” Be honest about what you want, need and expect from your budget, and understand what meeting those wants, needs and expectations will require.

Visit womenandco.com.

The holidays are, at their best, a time of appreciation, so we’d like to take this opportunity to thank you, our faithful, funny, intelligent and inspiring readers. UrbanBaby will be back on the beat in 2009, to bring you a hip daily dose of style, gear, tips, tricks and everything else to help you have a blast with your kids. Until then, take a look back at some favorites from the past year.

1. Stay savvy, smart and sane as a SAHM.

2. Juggle not one baby, but two (or more).

3. Teach your kid it’s chic to be a geek.

4. Get ready to make a comeback.

5. Help your DD act her age.

6. Make time to work out — even while pregnant.

7. Find a job that’s family friendly.

8. Kick postpartum depression to the curb.

9. Turn a picky eater into a little foodie.

10. Raise a bilingual child. Si, se puede.

Still looking for the perfect present? Check out the UrbanBaby gift guide.

Happy holidays!

Black Friday is upon us, but don’t get lost in a whirlwind of crowded stores and cashmere socks. Be thankful this Thanksgiving: Get into the real holiday spirit with a donation to a worthwhile cause.

Dress for Success
Clean out your closet for the New Year and donate new or gently used suits and other business attire to your local chapter of Dress for Success. The national organization provides suits to disadvantaged women returning to or entering the workforce.

Habitat for Humanity
A $10 donation provides a box of nails and $100 will buy a kitchen sink for a deserving, low-income family’s new home.

Project Sunshine
The national programs provide free social, educational and recreational programs to children and families affected by medical challenges. A quick online donating system makes the process simple.

Reading is Fundamental
A monthly gift of $10 to $50 provides books and reading material to children in need across the country.

Red Cross
A gift can aid children and families affected by hurricanes, floods and fires.

Room to Grow
A financial donation will assist a parent living in poverty in obtaining essential support and supplies during her baby’s first three years.

Save the Children
A nominal monthly donation helps communities build schools and trains local teachers. Monitor your gift’s progress through the online eProject.

Toys for Tots
Make a child’s holiday season brighter: Locate your nearest chapter to donate new, unwrapped toys for children in need throughout the States.

What’s your favorite charity this year?

If there was ever a time to make more dough, it’s now. You’ve tried The Secret, made a vision board, and are now ready to take action.

The Smart Cookies’ Guide to Making More Dough, written by five women who formed a money group to tackle their own financial problems (debt, no savings, shopping addictions), can help you turn around your bottom line in one year. The instructions on how to form your own money group with friends may be just the thing to help your clique gain financial independence en masse — all while still living a fabulous life (on a budget, no less). Simple strategies (start a portfolio, getting the most out of your job) seem like common sense, but hey, if they worked for the authors this system may be worth a shot.

Now back to the vision board.

Available at smartcookies.com.

You may have had an exciting career as a banker, chef or publicist. But now that baby has arrived on the scene, you’ve bid adieu to your colleagues, corner office and expense account, and find yourself wondering, “Who am I?” Who knew you’d go existential?

Melissa Stanton, a former People magazine editor, gave up her celeb-filled life to become a SAHM. Stanton, author of The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide: Field-tested strategies for staying smart, sane, and connected while caring for your kids, shares some tips for maintaining your identity in this new phase of life.

Take five: Being a mom is a job. You wouldn’t let work outside the home consume you 24-7, so don’t do it as a SAHM. You still need to see friends and be involved in activities you enjoy.

Know your net worth: Even though you’re not earning an income, you still work all day and deserve some free time and respect. There is value in what you do. If you were employed, wouldn’t you be paying someone to do your SAHM job? Think about that the next time anyone asks you what you did all day and why you need a break.

Stay current: Whether or not you think you want to go back to work, maintain your professional contacts and keep your skills up-to-date.

Give back: Engage in projects that use your non-mommy skills. Volunteering doesn’t mean you have to bake cupcakes — for example, take on something managerial. Be smart about volunteering: If you’re an accountant for instance, become the treasurer of an organization so you can make use of your training and expertise.

See in 3-D: Your identity encompasses many dimensions. You’re a mom as well as a wife, friend, attorney, etc. You’re a professional person currently doing something different. If you’re going to a social event, be prepared to comfortably and confidently answer the question, “What do you do?”

Think money, honey: After making your own money and having a sense of independence, you don’t want to feel like a financial prisoner on an allowance. Asking your partner for money can feel demoralizing. Before the baby arrives, work out how finances will be handled. And consider this: Taking charge of the family finances can lead to a sense of empowerment.

Visit stayathomesurvivalguide.com.

You were never one for tradition. Remember those hot pink high-tops you paired with the graduation robe? Parenting has been no different. But who says you need a little slip of paper — like a marriage license — to legitimize yourself?

That being said, unmarried parents face unique challenges and find they constantly explain and justify. Family law expert Brette McWhorter, author of Unmarried with Children: The Complete Guide for Unmarried Families, shares some tips for parenting sans a wedding ring amidst an omnipresent peanut gallery.

Right to Choose: Make decisions that are best for your family even if they are “not in sync with what the rest of the world expects from you.”

Free to Be Me: People are concerned about what kids of unmarried parents will learn about marriage. Convey to your children that your arrangement is what works for your family and that there are other choices and configurations that are also OK.

The Phrase that Pays: Use language to your advantage. You don’t want to be caught stumbling when it comes time to label the other parent. Consider terms such as partner, life partner, spouse or the more descriptive “spousal equivalent,” and then stick with whichever you choose.

Dramatic Play: You don’t have to pretend to be married or engaged.

Money, Money, Money: Find creative ways to support your family together with the other parent. Two possibilities are keeping a joint family account or dividing the bills.

Advocate: A parent’s marital status has nothing to do with a child’s importance or rights. Help change the common mindset, and don’t allow people to refer to your pride and joy as “illegitimate.”

Paper Trail: Schools will want to know about the custody situation. Fill out the necessary paperwork so the school is clear about who is allowed to pick up the child.

Parenting 101: The best mothers and fathers make decisions that benefit their kids, make their brood a priority and ensure that their little ones feel cared for and loved.

Visit unmarriedwithchildren.net.

A SAHM would earn roughly $117,000 if she were paid for being a mom. Too bad you can’t use that information during salary negotiations as you head back into the workforce.

Relaunching a career after years of diaper duty is daunting but definitely doable, as we learn in Emma Gilbey Keller’s new book, The Comeback: Seven Stories of Women Who Went from Career to Family and Back Again. Keller off-ramped her own career as a successful journalist to stay home with her kids and eventually become what she refers to as “Mrs. New York Times” (her husband is the paper’s executive editor).

Keller shares some tips that go well beyond the typical “update your resume” advice so you can carpe diem and chart your own comeback course.

Confidence: Adopt the same take-charge-stop-at-nothing mindset to your own life that you have when it comes to your children and their goals. Confidence is everything.

Out and About: Staying at home to raise kids can be isolating, so get out and circulate. Volunteer for a political campaign, go on school outings or join a book club. Being with people is incredibly good for your spirits and can spark ideas about your new career direction and networking.

Fast forward: A comeback is about looking to the future; it’s a chance to synthesize who you were before you had kids and who you’ve become since staying home to raise your brood.

Project Underway: Looking for individual projects rather than “a job” can be less intimidating. By focusing on one assignment, your comeback may seem more manageable. Think of it as a trial run in balancing work and family priorities. Plus, once you’ve gotten your feet wet again in the professional world, your confidence shoots up.

No Pain: Re-entry into the workforce often means a struggle. But, hey, you know it’s coming. Just be prepared. Doesn’t that make the accomplishment even sweeter?

Visit thecomebackbook.com.

– L.B.

There’s an “f” word that’s a lot longer than four letters but could just as easily sink a job interview if it comes out of your mouth too soon after meeting your perspective employer: “family-friendly,” as in family-friendly work environment.

Lori Long, Ph.D. and author of Family-Friendly Work: Finding the Balance Between Employment and Enjoyment offers some tips for subtly sussing out whether a company is mom-friendly and offers a flexible work schedule:

• Look for signs that people who work there have kids. Are there family photos, fingerpaintings or homemade mugs scattered throughout the cubicles?
• Ask to talk to your (possible) future colleagues. Inquire what it’s like to work there. If the company is serious about hiring you, they’ll try to accommodate such requests.
• Be on the lookout for a company that offers family-oriented benefits such as a lactation room or on-site childcare.
• A family-friendly company (or boss) typically has well-defined standards for measuring performance and/or productivity. If the powers that be don’t have a true way of assessing these, they may rely solely on how much face time you put in.
• Consider asking your current employer whether a more flexible schedule is possible, even if the company has never before made such accommodations. Never say never.

Now about that golden parachute…