Hot Topics

Highlights from the boards for the week of Jan 13th – 19th:

Should Kids Be Allowed to Fly First Class?… (163 Replies) Today I flew first class with my DH and 2 dcs (3 yo and 3 mo).
We were given major ‘tude by the flight attendant (perhaps she was having a bad day). This begs the question: Should kids be allowed to fly first class? I think $ is $ and if you are willing to pay for the seats, so be it. Just curious what others think.

Epidemiology Mom Answers Questions on Autism and Breastfeeding… (66 Replies)
Epidemiology mom. Have questions about what we know about autism, vaccines, breast-feeding/formula-feeding, etc.? I’ll do my best to answer. Not giving professional/medical advice, of course, just trying to help!

My Wife is Not a Good SAHM… (135 Replies)
I will say that I don’t think my wife is not a very good SAHM. She constantly seems overwhelmed by the children - we have 2yo and 3yo. She seems very curt over the phone when I call to chat and she’s out running errands. The house is always a mess when I get home and she never makes dinner.

DH Says Our Baby is a Blob… (13 Replies)
I have a 7 wk old - is it normal for husband/partners to not feel overwhelming love etc for his newborn child? He is helping with taking care of him - but says that he’s ‘not enjoying it’ and that he sees the baby as a ‘blob’ who doesnt really respond to him. Whats normal for men? Whats your experiences with your partners?

Miscellany

Brag About Why You Are a Good Mother (51 Replies)

What Are You Wearing Poll? We’ll Guess Where You Live and What You Do (178 Replies)

Santimommy vs. Laid Back (20 Replies)

Ideal Spacing Between Children (48 Replies)

Caregiver and Homework… (27 Replies)

Highlights from the boards for the week of Nov 11th-17th:

IQ Mom… (66 Replies)
Let’s have a race-neutral discussion about “intelligence” and “IQ.” Let’s endeavor to discuss — in a factual, data-driven way — the following questions: (1) What is intelligence? (2) Does there exist something known as general intelligence? (3) Are intellectual qualities like musicality, kinesthetic skills, interpersonal skills, etc. properly excludable from what we refer to as intelligence? And (4) Can our definition of “general intelligence” be measured, specifically through standardized testing that often results in an IQ score?

We Like Temp Nanny Better… (18 Replies)
My nanny of 3 yrs took a sudden 2 wk leave of absence - death of a family member. She’s been a good caretaker but there are some issues. We were understanding about the leave but had to hire a temp nanny for 2 weeks. Anyway, the temp nann is wonderful - an ideal fit in every way. I would feel so bad firing current nanny but…the kids have now been through the transition…thoughts?

Don’t Want Daughter Touched or Scanned at Airport… (58 Replies)
Wondering about the new security procedures in airports. Do they make children go thru the body scanner or get a patdown? I am not really comfortable with either for my dd and we will be flying soon. She is 14 and I don’t want anyone touching her or scanning her.

Spending Too Much Time with My Child?… (53 Replies)
A lot of feedback that I spend too much time w/ my child and that he needs to be alone sometimes. I would like honest ideas about how much time you expect your child to play alone when they are still under two years old. I made the decision to stay at home so I can help my child learn and grow during these formative years. For me, that means I read frequently to him, talk to him, sing with him and play with him. Maybe he does need to develop more independence, but how much?

Anyone Regret Quitting and SAHM?… (15 Replies)
I know it is a tough job and wondering what would you do if you had to do it all over. Thinking of quitting my job. It is a great job with great benefits (and I make more money than my husband). It is just an intense job with lots of hours and entertaining.

Backwards Red-Shirting Problem… (70 Replies)
I have sort of the opposite problem to red-shirting. My daughter misses the school cutoff by 25 days, and I can’t imagine having her wait a whole year to start school. I’m worrying about this early - she’s 1 - but she is clearly bright, has a surprisingly bright older brother, and if I can say this without sounding snotty, two very smart, grade-skipping - and Ph.D parents. Some kids you can just tell, and she’s going to be socially fine.

Miscellany

iPad apps for 1-year old? (73 Replies)

Your Biggest Regret (28 Replies)

Best Advice for First Weeks Home with Newborn… (69 Replies)

Kids with Email (14 Replies)

Now this is the kind of research you love to quote - a new study says that when a dad shares in the housework, he gets along better with his spouse/significant other. (But you already knew this!)

ManoftheHouse.com* found that of the 1,000 dads surveyed, 91% said their relationships were better when they pitched in around the house. This poll is the latest in a growing body of research suggesting that dad helping = a better marriage. In a Pew Research Center survey, sharing household chores now ranks third in importance in a list of items typically associated with successful marriages. Only faithfulness and a happy sexual relationship outrank housework. The “chores” item beat out perennial faves - adequate income, and shared tastes and interests.

A study published in the Journal of Family Issues late last year revealed that husbands and wives who spend more hours helping with chores reported more frequent sex (with their spouses).

You just love it when the numbers are on your side.

*The ManoftheHouse.com survey was conducted by Kelton Research. ManoftheHouse.com is a new Web site from Procter & Gamble Productions and is run in partnership with Barefoot Proximity, a global interactive and CRM network.

Getting back into the workforce after “opting out” to raise a family is hard enough. Trying to do it in the worst economy since the Great Depression, with the unemployment rate hovering around 10%, is more daunting than trying to fit into your skinny jeans post-pregnancy.

Enter MYOB Moms, formally known as Mind Your Own Business Moms. It’s a New York-based company dedicated to helping mothers who opted out of the workforce stay connected to the professional world and explore career possibilities. MYOB Moms founders and career advisors, Barri Waltcher and Pamela Weinberg, are like your ultimate real-world, job-search app. (They’re not simply going to tell you to network by joining your alumni group.) In Part I of their interview with UB, they tell us how becoming social media savvy is crucial to retaining your professional identity and searching for and landing a job.

GET STARTED, GET SOCIAL
You’re most likely already on Facebook. Get yourself on Twitter and LinkedIn as well. Social media allows you to stay connected with your former colleagues and stay current on their career tracks (what companies they’ve moved on to) and what’s going on in the workplace.

LINKEDIN, THE MISSING LINKS
Waltcher and Weinberg say if you’re going to choose one social media network for your job search, go for LinkedIn. The more connections you have, the bigger your contact universe is.

*Try searching for the job you’re targeting, say, “brand marketing.” You’ll be shocked to see how many people you know and how many of those people are connected to your contacts. A true “six degrees of separation.”

*Ditto for doing a LinkedIn search for a specific company. Another “six degrees” moment.

*Corporate Web sites tend to be static, meaning they’re not frequently updated. Not true on LinkedIn. Companies typically have a person or team of people dedicated to updating profiles on the various social media sites. LinkedIn lists recent hires and departures, job postings, number of employees and a breakdown by gender of those employees. The info. puts you in-the-know and makes you current.

*Latch on to a “super connector,” someone with at least 500 connections. It’s an easy way to widen your contact base. Super connectors often have great profiles, so check them out to get ideas for your own.

*Have the right key words in your profile so your name will come up in employers’ searches.

*Your profile should also have a picture and recommendations.

*Join a lot of groups. You can directly contact anyone in your groups.

TWITTER TWEET BEAT
Following a company on Twitter can make you appear incredibly knowledgeable when you go for an interview.

*You’ll be up-to-date on the absolute latest developments in the industry and at the company. You’ll know that, say, the FDA approved a major new drug the day before.

*Companies often tweet job postings.

*Listorious.com will tell you who the major tweeters are in every major category. So you’ll know whom to follow in the cosmetics industry, etc.

FACEBOOK & CAPITALIZING ON YOUR FACE TIME
Facebook is a great personal branding tool.

*Tell people about an article you’ve just published or a speaking engagement you have.

*A lot of people you’re friends with on Facebook aren’t your LinkedIn connections. So you’re able to cast a wider net and network with additional people.

*Update your status to let people know that you’re looking for a job and the kind of job you’d like. (Just as with LinkedIn, you can set the privacy settings so your boss won’t see.)

Next Tuesday, we’ll run Part II of You 2.0 with MYOB Moms. Although based in New York, Waltcher and Weinberg are available for phone or Skype consults with those living outside the area. Visit myobmoms.com.

April is National Financial Literacy Month, and boy could we use one. (We could probably do with a financial literacy year.) From Wall Street to Main Street, we seem to have perfected the practice of spending money we don’t have. Think massive credit card debt, the subprime mortgage mess and ensuing global fallout. Talk about your teachable moments.

Erika Miller is a correspondent with PBS’s Nightly Business Report, an Emmy-Award winning program and, by some measures, the most-watched business show in the country. Miller’s also the mother of two young boys and has a Certificate in Financial Planning. She talks to us about giving kids an allowance and raising children so they have a clue (hopefully more) when it comes to managing money.

Emerging Money - An allowance is a great way to teach children practical money management strategies. It forces Junior to balance several competing desires, which is what adults do all the time (pay mortgage vs. buy a new pair of killer shoes vs. save money for retirement).

Allocation:
Divide-and-Conquer Strategy - Apportion the allowance into thirds. Get three piggy banks or one that has different compartments. A third of the allowance can be spent, a third saved and a third set aside for charity. Translation: a portion is for immediate use, a portion for a long-term spending goal and a portion for a charity of your child’s choice. The saving part of this equation gets kids accustomed to delayed gratification. (A topic in which many of us could use a refresher course.)

Not Too Big
to Fail - What your child buys with his “long-term” money is his choice. It may break your heart to see your DC purchase something wasteful, but it’s a learning experience. Better to make mistakes now as a child.

Rational Exuberance -Miller says every once in a while you should sit down with your child to count the allowance money and figure out how much the piggy bank stash has grown. She says this helps keep up the enthusiasm and makes kids aware that the money isn’t just going into a dark void.

Seed Money - Miller advocates starting kids on an allowance when they’re five, when they can begin to understand some of the decisions and consequences regarding spending and saving. How much? One common guideline is $1 per year. Like a number of other experts, Miller doesn’t believe an allowance should be tied to chores because chores are a family responsibility, not an optional way to earn money.

Home B-School - Financial literacy is generally not a top priority in our schools. In most cases, kids learn financial skills from their parents. So you need to take an active role in enlightening your brood about money.

Show-and-Tell - Modeling good behavior is one of the best ways to teach budgeting skills. Miller says when she’s shopping with her kids, she’ll explain her thinking. (”I like these shoes, but they’re really expensive. So, I’m going to wait until they’re on sale and then come back.”) She’ll also bring her sons to the garage sales she frequents so they can learn price negotiating skills.

Options - Miller wants to instill a certain financial savviness in her kids. That means comparison shopping with them for toys on Amazon and eBay in order to teach them how to get the most bang for their buck.

Now when it comes to managing money, your kids won’t be, well, subprime.

Follow Erika Miller’s NBR blog at pbs.org.

Imagine trying to go an entire day (in the course of your everyday life, not on vacay on some secluded island) without eyeballing any ads. You’d have to temporarily ditch your PDA, computer and TV and avoid looking at buses, taxis, streaming electronic headlines on billboards, etc. Ads lurk everywhere. And apparently Madison Avenue is quite good at getting through to even young kids.

A new study from researchers at the University of Michigan and the University of Wisconsin says preschoolers not only recognize brands but also understand them. Bettina Cornwell, a co-author of the study, said, “Before this study, research suggested that brand symbolism does not develop until age seven or eight.” In the first part of the two-part study published in Psychology & Marketing, academics found that the most commonly recognized brand by kids ages three to five was McDonald’s, followed by the brands of other fast food companies, sodas and toys. The second half of the study, which also tested kids between the ages of three and five, found that children are more likely to have “developed brand knowledge for brands primarily targeted to them.” The latest findings also indicate that kids use brand cues in making decisions about food products, and they realize that having a certain brand sends messages about the type of person they are.

Researcher Cornwell notes that the findings “highlight the need for lawmakers to continue to monitor and regulate advertising to children” and says “we need public policies that address the development of eating habits very early in a child’s life.”

Timely results given the recent launch of First Lady Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign.

Behind the Autism Statistics, an essay in the Atlantic Monthly, asks a provocative question: given that children with autism can qualify for free, state-funded therapy, is it possible that children with autism-like symptoms (but not autism itself) are being deliberately misdiagnosed? And that such misdiagnoses are partially to blame for the precipitous rise in autism rates (up to 1 in 100 kids, says the CDC)?

“Ableism!” charges Sarah, an autistic woman who advocates for autism rights on her blog Cat in a Dog’s World. “The article is correct in pointing out the potential for misdiagnosis, and the fact that a lot of diagnostic gerry-mandering goes on because families want services,” writes Sarah, “Becker draws an artificial line between those she, parents, and/or the medical establishment consider to be ‘really autistic’ and those ‘normal’ children who just have a few quirky developmental issues. She’s fine with stigmatizing the ‘really autistic’ ones as broken and in need of repair, but foisting the label on a ‘normal’ child is apparently a great travesty.”

As Sarah points out, Becker’s conclusions seem to be drawn from the experiences of just one family: By a strange coincidence that family is the family profiled in Becker’s new film, Autistic-Like: Graham’s Story.

A Swedish research study which looked at 13,376 women born between 1952 and 1989 has found that the more educated a girl’s family is, the more likely she is to develop an eating disorder.

The study, reported in the American Journal of Epidemiology’s September 1 issue, tracked hospitalization for eating disorders with the level of education of her forebears, as well as the girl’s own performance at school. Researchers found that girls whose parents attended college were about twice as likely to be treated for an eating disorder. Girls whose maternal grandmothers had a college education were six times as likely. And girls with the highest grades at age 15 had double the risk of developing an eating disorder when compared to the group of girls with the lowest grades.

What does all this mean? Lead researcher Jennie Ahren-Moonga speculates that high-performing families create pressure to succeed and conform; this might play into the obsessiveness that fuels many eating disorders. In addition, girls who grew up in a competitive environment and succeed (as evidenced by higher grades) may themselves have qualities such as drive and perfectionism, that are often twinned with dysfunctional eating.

We’ve all been there in the store when your child throws a tantrum and refuses to leave. “Come with me now or I’ll drag you out,” you might say. Gaylesville, Alabama mom Melissa Catherine Smith-Means actually did it. And three months after her felony arrest for first-degree cruelty for children, the blog world found footage of her dragging her small child through a Verizon store. And everyone has something to say about it.

“This woman wasn’t A. watching what happened with her child (did you see near the end, where she almost slammed his head into the wall as she rounded the corner) and B. a frustrated mom at the end of her rope desperately to avoid a scene in a busy store,” writes Jeanne Sager on Strollerderby, Babble’s house blog. She admits she’s not a fan of leashes, writing “leashes beg for abuse - the parents who think they no longer have to watch what their child is doing because the leash acts as a babysitter. Parents who would drag their child around a store.” Guess Jeanne has a non-darting kid.

“Dear kid of abusive mom: yes, this is what it feels like for us when we deal with cell phone retailers, too,” writes Chris Walters at the Consumerist, while Tom Henderson of AOL’s ParentDish had more sympathy for Smith-Means: “We have a court system to determine what was really happening in that store — and in Smith-Means’ head. I can well imagine a mother who ran out of options. Perhaps she told a difficult child that he would either come peacefully or she would drag him out.”

Is Smith-Means a monster or just a mom at the end of her rope?

Baby fever has made you axe any name you’ve ever heard, even if it’s the child of your cousin’s neighbor’s nanny’s nephew.

Beyond Ava & Aiden: The Enlightened Guide to Naming Your Baby will help you navigate the world of baby naming. With humor and a refreshing take on the trends, the book is organized by style, image, sex and tradition. Plus you’ll have a few laughs reading lists like Millennial Names (Maverick, Riley) or Music and Dance (Etta, Gershwin). The authors, experts Linda Rosenkrantz and Pamela Redmond Satran, will not lead you astray.

Better yet, maybe they can name the kid for you.

Available at amazon.com.