UrbanBaby Boards

Highlights from the boards for the week of May 10th – May 16th:

Work/Life Balance Better with DH Laid Off... (12 Replies)
DH lost his job 18 months ago, I WOHM. Work / life balance is better than it has been for the last 18 years. I hope he never goes back to the full time grind. Do I tell him how i feel or do I keep pretending to support his job campaign? I know he would like to find the right job in finance again.

Obvious Pattern: Teenage Daughters of SAHM Have Most Trouble Relating to Their Moms… (41 Replies)
I know this topic has been hashed out to death. But I’ll go there anyway. Today I was working out in the building gym with my neighbor, a psychologist. Because it was Mother’s Day we started talking about moms and DC. She said in her practice (of 20+ years) that the most obvious pattern she has noticed is that teenaged daughters of SAHM have the most difficult time relating to their mothers and, to generalize, that particular type of parent/ teenaged child relationship is the most problematic.

Should I Tell Mom That Her Daughter is Getting Reputation… (25 Replies)
Advice needed: Wwyd? My 13 yo tells me all sorts of things. Last night she told me about a good friend’s dd, also 13 who has been bragging that she has been giving bj’s to a certain boy. Would you bring this up w/your friend? My dd claims to know it’s not true because said boy is gay. Friend is going through quite a lot, her dh left w/younger woman, this 13 yo will probably fail this year and seems to have many, many troubles. I don’t know if I should step back or what? I’ve known them since LaMaze classes, so relationship goes back a looong time.

Are You Sad Your Mixed Race DC Doesn’t Look Like You… (23 Replies)
Biracial moms whose DC look like their DHs - are you sad that DC don’t look like you?

Older Moms with Regrets… (27 Replies)
Moms over 40, did you ever regret having a DC at a relatively older age? How old were you when you had your child? How old are you now?

Letting DD Go on Playdate with Friend and Father… (31 Replies)
Those of you with DD’s, what (if anything) is your feeling on letting her go with classmates/friends and their fathers? Please don’t flame, but my DD (3) was invited to go somewhere with a classmate and his dad during working hours, so I wouldn’t be there. He is a very nice guy, as far as I know. But, I have major reservations about my DD being alone with men, probably because my sister was sexually abused by a male caregiver (who was a trusted family member) when we were children while I was at school and she was still too young to attend.

Miscellany

What is Appropriate Consequence for 4 Year Old DD Who Shoplifted (59 Replies)

Parents Smoking Marijuana (19 Replies)

How Do You Know if 8 Year Old is Overloaded with Activities? (38 Replies)

Highlights from the boards for the week of May 3rd – May 9th:

Love for Adopted vs. Natural DC… (13 Replies)
Sensitive post. Do any moms out there have both adopted and natural DCs? Is the love you feel any sort of different? How old was the child when you adopted?

Would You Leave City for Leisure if Your Baby Was Still in NICU… (39 Replies)
Say you live in Manhattan and just gave birth to your child there. Let’s say the baby for not serious reasons had to stay in the hospital for two more days beyond the time they would normally stay in the hospital. Would you ever leave the city while they were in the hospital for leisure purposes?

Dealing with MIL While Trying to Conceive… (38 Replies)
How do people deal with their mother-in-laws during the whole ttc process? Mine’s is passive aggressive and just plain mean. Most recently she said in front of my brother that she wanted to throw a baby shower for my cousin-in-law but that she knows I’ll be jealous. She constantly grabs at my stomach to see if I’m pregnant.

Should I Send My Non-Competitive Son to Sports Camp to Amp Him Up… (20 Replies)
Moms of BOYS I need advice: Have 3rd grade boy. Holds his own at sports but not competitive and not his first choice. Would you send him to a sporty camp to help him with sports or would you send him to a non-competitive camp which he will probably like but won’t end up helping him with sports? Don’t need him to be super athletic but it does help socially.

What Sport Will Help my DD Gain Self-Confidence… (30 Replies)
What sport would you recommend for a 7 yo DD that would help to ignite a competitive drive. She is passive and if often the doormat amongst her friends. I would like to help her gain self confidence.

My 4 Year Old DS Wishes He Was a Girl… (26 Replies)
DS, 4.5, keeps telling me he wishes he were a girl. We have a DD is 2. He wants her “cute” clothes, thinks she is so much prettier than he is, etc. I don’t know what to tell him, except that he’s a super-cute boy, and it’s too bad boys’ clothes aren’t as much fun as girls’ clothes. And that he can play dress up and pretend to be a girl whenever he wants. He’s sad about it. Some boys in his pre-K class have been really picking on him. I can’t believe this happens so

Miscellany

Of My 12 Friends Who Gave Birth This Year, 10 Were C-Sections (100 Replies)

Tacky Alert: Asking Me to Donate to Charity Because Your DC Turned 4 (26 Replies)

Best Luxury Big Ticket Baby Item… (21 Replies)

Highlights from the boards for the week of Apr 26th – May 2nd:

Auntie Always Bringing a Different Date Over in Front of My Kids… (91 Replies)
My younger sister who is in her mid thirties constantly brings different dates over to our house when she visits the kids. Not to dinner or holidays but just when she stops by to see her nephews. I asked her to not do this anymore unless it is someone who might last. But she just did it again and joked about it too. Our mother feels that I am being ridiculous and am inhibiting in my sisters dating.

DS Was Served Alcohol at Friends Confirmation Party… (28 Replies)
My son was at his friend’s confirmation party and the parents were letting the kids (ages 15 and 16) drink alcohol. I flipped out and made my son come home but my DH said I’m over reacting - thoughts??

Are Kids Supposed to Know Their Academic Status in Class at Young Age… (9 Replies)
My DD in public first grade class is completely aware of her academic status. She knows she is in the top reading and math group and mentions where other students have been placed. Is this normal behavior? Are all kids aware of hierarchies at such a young age?

WOHM Who Practice Attachment Parenting… (45 Replies)
Does anyone work outside the home and practice attachment parenting? I am home on maternity leave with my newborn and really think that this is the way I want to parent him, but I’m scared that there will be a very sad transition for both of us when I go back to work. If anyone has any ideas, I would love to hear them.

Drinking in 2nd Trimester… (61 Replies)
Going away to an island for a week for a celebration and just entered my 2nd trimester. Who here has or would have one or two drinks (champagne/wine) with dinner each night? Is this way too much even for a few days?

Students of Bad Teachers Will Learn Only Half of Material… (10 Replies)
Eric Hanushek, an economist at Stanford, estimates that the students of a very bad teacher will learn, on average, half a year’s worth of material in one school year. The students in the class of a very good teacher will learn a year and a half’s worth of material. That difference amounts to a year’s worth of learning in a single year. Teacher effects are also much stronger than class-size effects.

Miscellany

Name One Thing You Do to Make Sure Your Child isn’t Spoiled or Entitled (80 Replies)

What Are You Expecting for Mothers Day (40 Replies)

What Career Would You Encourage Your Daughter to Pursue (45 Replies)

Highlights from the boards for the week of Apr 19th – April 25th:

He Happily Provides for Me… (85 Replies)
How do you get your DH to happily provide for you without resenting you for it?

Other Moms Don’t Understand My Normal Working Hours… (17 Replies)
Does it ever bother you when people don’t understand normal working hours? Someone just asked me to meet up with her for a social visit on Monday morning at 10 or 11. Uh, I’m going to be at work then. Another woman has called me multiple times at noon during work and when I whisper hello (so as not to disturb my colleagues), she says, “Are you sleeping?” I know there are many schedules outside of the work world, but it really irks me when people don’t realize that 9-5 M-F, I’m going to be at work!

Don’t Ask for My Babysitters Number… (15 Replies)
Babysitter etiquette question: if you tell another mom you have a regular Saturday night babysitter is it appropriate for her to ask for the babysitter’s number? I understand if there was an emergency etc but this seems like poaching. What’s the deal?

Prep Schools Ban College Acceptance Announcements… (52 Replies)
OK. I am seriously worry for the future of this nation! http://www.theblaze.com/stories/ny-prep-schools-ban-students-from-announcing-acceptance-into-ivy-league-schools-to-protect-other-students/

Should I Let My Child Act… (17 Replies)
Does anyone have kids who act? A talent manager wants to represent my 8 year-old daughter. This is not something I ever would have considered (the agent came to my daughter’s theater class) and I am very torn about what to do now. If anyone has experience with this type of thing, please tell me about it.

Worried My Husky DC Will Soon be Overweight… (14 Replies)
I am so worried my DC will be overweight when older. A tendency towards obesity runs in DH’s family. Getting him to eat protein or veggie is a battle which we fight because have to, but sometime not much volume gets in. He gets lots of exercise but definitely has DHs “husky” build. DC is 2yo. Please don’t flame, I know I’m not supposed to call a 2yo fat whatever, just wondering what you all do that you think is helping to instill healthy habits in DCs to lessen the risk they struggle with obesity in their lives?

Miscellany

Pregnant Women in Heels (25 Replies)

5 Greatest Accomplishments Excluding Parenthood (37 Replies)

How Our Kids are Better Off Than We Were as Children (27 Replies)

Nanny Came to Work Hungover (21 Replies)

Highlights from the boards for the week of Apr 12th – April 18th:

School Asks for Volunteers, Suggests Sending Your Nanny… (109 Replies)
Let me know if I am over thinking this. E-mail from one chairwomen of the annual auction fundraiser asks for parents to volunteer in setting up and tearing down. One of the suggestions is: “Send you nanny to help us out.” Somehow this tickles me the wrong way.

Wish My DD More Interested in Extracurriculars… (12 Replies)
My almost nine-year old DD has a very “take it or leave it” attitude about her extracurriculars. I’m fine with that, she doesn’t need to be obsessed - just wondering if other girls that age have already found a must do activity. I’m thinking ahead to next year, would love to have her try totally new stuff - was thinking fencing? an instrument? rock climbing?

My Friend Says It’s Embarrassing for My DC That He Only Watches PBS… (20 Replies)
My DF whose DC goes to DC’s school told me that it is embarrassing that my DC only watches PBS TV shows and that he doesn’t know anything on Nickelodeon. Do you think this is true?

Is Preschool End of Being Deeply Involved in Kids School?… (15 Replies)
Is preschool the end of being deeply involved in our dcs’ schools? I’m a WOHM and I love that I can linger in my dcs’ preschool classes, volunteer for an occasional class trip, chat with parents at drop-off, getting weekly newsletters from the teachers, etc. I keep hearing that for K, it all ends. kids get dropped at school door, or take the bus, and there is no opportunity to be involved in that way.

Taking Kids to Nutritionists Instead of Just Ped… (30 Replies)
Mothers who take their kids to “nutritionists” constantly. Why? What can they do that your pediatrician can’t do?

Miscellany

Is DH Supportive in Raising a Vegan Child? (19 Replies)

Teaching Kids Self-Defense and Street Smarts (14 Replies)

Something You Have Been through That DH Will Never Understand and Vice Versa (32 Replies)

Highlights from the boards for the week of Apr 5th – April 11th:

Is It Normal to Micromanage Kids About Hygiene… (__ Replies)
Is it normal to constantly be reminding 9 year old girls to brush their teeth, put on glasses, wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? I am always micromanaging and I want them to be more responsible. What’s the worst that can happen if I just drop it all?

My Vanity is Preventing Me from Having Baby #3… (__ Replies)
At the risk of being flamed, I am a pretty vain person. And this is what is stopping me from getting pregnant a third time. It is not necessarily about being skinny per se. I am thin and I don’t THINK I will get “fat”-but maybe I will be a lot wider, have more cellulite, etc (stuff I can’t control like I would with weight). Is being a blob inevitable with 3 kids?

What is Up with Glut of Suzie Homemaker Blogs?… (__ Replies)
What is up with the sudden glut of Suzie homemaker blogs? They’re all vaguely Christian, pastel colors, usually feature a very young mom who writes about couponing and organizing and scrapbooking. Can anyone explain this to me? Did these people always exist in middle America, but I only know about them now because of the Internet?

Fights Every Night About Homework… (__ Replies)
Have to vent. Every single night I get in a fight with my dc over homework. It is truly stressful. Any advice? He could have been done an hour ago but just makes excuse after excuse and gets up so many times I end up yelling. I can’t do this anymore.

Miscellany

Rolling My Eyes at the Thought of Gender Reveal Party (__ Replies)

I Want to Bug My Son’s Clothing to Observe How He is Teased (__ Replies)

Divorce Due to Unhealthy/Toxic Relationship with Inlaws? (__ Replies)

What Did You Give up to Have DCs? (__ Replies)

Highlights from the boards for the week of Mar 29th – April 4th:

Would You Discourage Your DD from Being a Nurse… (110 Replies)
What would you think if your daughter told you she was thinking of becoming a nurse? Would you try to discourage her? I’m counting on the brutal honesty I can find here at UrbanBaby. I’d like to hear what you really think of it as a profession.

Freezing Embryo’s In Case Conceiving #3 is a Challenge… (24 Replies)
You are 35 and just had your second child. DH and you always wanted three DC but have to delay because of the economy. Would you freeze embryos now to protect against potential infertility and chromosomal problems if and when you can try again?

Jobless DH Can’t Help with Laundry, Spends All Day Looking for Jobs on Internet… (80 Replies)
Unemployed DH maintains he can’t do laundry because he needs a full day to look for jobs on Internet. He has had a busy week and has a busy week coming up, but the Internet search seems so endless. He emails friends in between and I know if he managed his time better he could just do the damn laundry for me. I don’t know how to argue with it because he does need to look to a job.

Almost Died Last Week and Now I Want Out of NYC & Rat Race… (21 Replies)
Has anyone had a life changing event that caused them to reevaluate their lives and make a drastic change? And were you happy or regretful about the change? I almost died in a bad car crash last week, have injuries but they will heal with time and work. BUT I now want to move out of NYC , quit my job, uproot my family and slow everything down. Tired of rat race.

Miscellany

The Most Content Person You Know (19 Replies)

If Your DC Gets Lost Who Do You Tell Them to Ask for Help? (14 Replies)

Camp Sticker Shock (16 Replies)

Acts of Selfless Behavior (39 Replies)

Highlights from the boards for the week of Mar 22nd – Mar 28th:

Should I Correct DS’s Trash-Talking Friends… (13 Replies)
STUCK-UP fiends from DSs school are over right now and trash-talking a less fortunate friend (who isn’t here). Am I in the right to set their attitudes straight? It’s really disturbing me. My DS isn’t saying anything.

Food as a Reward… (68 Replies)
What are your thoughts on food as a reward? We’ve been giving DC a treat if he eats most of his dinner or lunch. Anything wrong with this approach?

Obsession with High Taste Exhausting with Kids… (20 Replies)
Does anyone else find this obsession with taste exhausting? Your kids must have the perfect clothes, every single thing you own and use must be stylish and the right brand, every meal has to be photographed and posted on instagram, etc. Isn’t it better to just live and not be so focused on material things?

Effect of Eliminating all Gifted Programs in City Schools… (49 Replies)
What do you think would be the effect of the DOE eliminating all gifted programs (incl citywides)? Seems like it would initially create more stratification between good and bad zoned schools as those with the means to move would do so quickly, but eventually more people would likely be willing to try their zoned school instead of moving. Right? The whole “gifted” thing just effs the whole system up IMO.

My 3 Year Old on Restricted Diet Complains She’s Still Hungry… (26 Replies)
My 3 yo dd is not overweight but she is close. I’ve begun restricting her intake of calories with no sugar. Her diet is very regimented down to the exact caloric requirement for a child her age height, and weight. Last night following her last meal of the night, she complained that she was still hungry. The complaints became tears and she literally cried herself to sleep. Is there a way to avoid such displays in the future?

Miscellany

Delayed Vaccine Scheduling (15 Replies)

How Much Do You Have Saved for Your Kids College Education? (34 Replies)

How to Coordinate Vacations with Nanny (63 Replies)

Highlights from the boards for the week of Mar 15th – Mar 21st:

Turns Out Nanny is Lazy, Not Laid Back… (23 Replies)
I have received two reports about my nanny not watching paying attention to my 3 year old DD in the park. This type of behavior is certainly a problem and grounds for firing her. The rub is that my kids really like her and from what I see she is great with them. We have had bad luck with nannies for the past year. I am planning to talk to nanny about what I heard and explain to her what I expect in terms of supervision, but I am wondering if this problem is solvable. One of the things that I value about her is that she is really calm and laid back. I am wondering if that attitude is actually laziness.

Ancient Daddy at What Age.. (43 Replies)
Okay, so lots of posts about how old is too old for Mom to have a new baby. What about dad? How old do you think is too old for a DH to have more kids? How old was your DH with yours? Mine is 40 and thinks he is ancient.

Report Shows On Demand Fed Babies Result in Higher IQ… (46 Replies)
MIL has always not approved of the fact that I formula fed my kids, and so sends the following snippet from the NYPost, “babies who are breast fed or bottle fed on demand perform better academically than those who are fed on a schedule, ACC to a study published yesterday. Using data from more than 10,000 children researchers found that demand fed babies scored 4 to 5 points higher on IQ tests at age 8. Demand feeding was also associated with higher scores in school, according to the study.” Her passive aggressiveness makes me so angry!!

Being a Parent in NYC Made Me Competitive and Toxic… (48 Replies)
I admit it, I am toxic. I think raising kids in the NYC has made me an uber-bitch. I hate all the precious moms and dads I see walking around Brooklyn. I see them as direct competition for my DC. I was not like this before kids.

Discipling Kids Not Your Own… (18 Replies)
Have you ever reprimanded or disciplined other people’s DCs with the parents around? Why and how did that go?

Miscellany

Travel with Another Couple - Fun or Annoying? (18 Replies)

Do Teachers Really Need Volunteers at School? (46 Replies)

Considering Hiring a Bodyguard for DS because of School Fight (28 Replies)

Highlights from the boards for the week of Mar 8th – Mar 14th:

Why Donor Eggs Instead of Adoption?… (105 Replies)
Ladies who use donor eggs: Why? Why not just adopt? It seems so odd to me that a child would have a genetic bond with everyone in the family but the mother.

Gung-Ho About Breastfeeding… (43 Replies)
Curious: why are so many women absolutely gung-ho about breastfeeding? Why do women drive themselves crazy about this and care so much about why others don’t breastfeed?

Older First Time Mom at 33… (103 Replies)
Since when does having a baby at 33 make you an “older first time mom?” Just saw this nonsense written in another post. This is BS.

Signs Caregiver is Mistreating Child… (18 Replies)
What are non-physical signs that your caregiver may be mistreating your dc when you are not around? Anyone have this experience?

Public School Becomes More Appealing… (34 Replies)
Starting to think public school is sounding more and more appealing. What better way to give your kid a boost in life than saving $40,000 a year for him/her/your family, no debt, and college and grad school expenses paid? …hmmm…plus unlimited tutoring or enrichment if needed while in elementary school.

Miscellany

3 Words You Think of When You Think of _____ (266 Replies)

No Sports Team as Punishment for Misbehavior (26 Replies)

Out-of-Pocket for Pediatrician (41 Replies)