Posts Tagged ‘155’

If there is one discussion that might be the most common on our UrbanBaby message boards, it could be women struggling to achieve a balance between their work and family life. (See: SAH Wish, PT Schedule, and Left Big $.) Mothers are feeling truly torn between their need to nurture and their need to work.

Samantha Parent Walravens adds a valuable resource to the conversation with her new book Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood. In the compliation of essays, 47 women share their genuine and varied perspectives on the competing responsibilities of work and family life.

Chapters include:

* The Good Enough Mother (“Balancing career and motherhood reminds me of the proverbial angels dancing on the head of a pin – any imbalance and you will tumble off.”)

* Mommy CEO (“Now the boys are asleep, and I consider whether to work out, catch up on email, or perhaps just sit and relax for a while. I realize that my wingspan will never be wide enough.”)

* Of Course I Work (“For me, work is dignity. It is breathing. It is a safety net for the future if something should happen to my husband or my marriage.”)

* Coming Home (“Just because I spent a year in Iraq didn’t mean I wasn’t mom while I was gone. In my heart and soul, I still worried about my kids; I still miss them.”)

Samantha Parent Walravens says she is a mom on a mission to keep this crucial conversation going in an effort to strengthen the support systems in the workplace and in the home.

“As these stories illustrate, there is no perfect mother, nor is there a perfect balance when it comes to kids and career. Caught between the heady “have it all” idealism of our feminist foremothers and the rigid realities of the corporate world, women today are creating new paradigms to navigate the conflicting worlds of paid work and parenthood.” – Samantha Parent Walravens

Samantha Parent Walraven Blog

Available at Amazon.com

Highlights from the boards for the week of Nov 25th-Dec 1st:

Sleepy Toddlers Shopping… (51 Replies)
It totally makes me cringe when I see the strung out and clearly sleepy baby or toddler shopping with the nanny in H&M, Gap etc. Shouldn’t these kids be at home, comfy in their beds? Why don’t the parents of these kids demand that nap time be at home and not in a store blasting Rihanna and Jay-Z?

Don’t Ask Me What I Do… (60 Replies)
I hate when you meet someone at a party and the first thing they ask is “what do you do?” Really? You are most interested in my job? Not where I am from or something more interesting?

This is a Cushy Life?… (10 Replies)
I was just talking with my sibling and she was talking very candidly with me about life choices. For some reason she seems to think I am living a dream life, being married, working, raising children, financially struggling, trying to make something for the future. She is single by choice, works in a very well paying job and goes to school at night to have a fall back education for just in case. She feels that her life is much more difficult than mine because I chose a “cushy” life path. So funny, because I never viewed it that way.

6 Word Memoir… (17 Replies)
I just had a bottle of tea and under the cap it said, “6 word memoir: Met wife at her bachelorette party.” Anyhow, I thought this was funny, anyone else want to share a 6-ish word memoir?

Miscellany

Overly critical MIL Wants to be my “Friend” on FB (28 Replies)

Out to Eat Spending Per Year (28 Replies)

I’m a Crappy Mom (31 Replies)

Rude Cocktail Party Chat (15 Replies)

You know what annoys me? When manufacturers stick my kid into a gender box. Walk into any kids’ clothing or furniture store and you’ll see that the store is divided right down the middle between products meant for boys (blue, green, trucks, dinosaurs) and for girls (pink, purple, fairies, butterflies). The message is clear. Boys can be powerful and productive, girls should stick to being decorative.

That’s why the Baby Potential line of onesies and T-shirts (some with matching pants or accessories) are pretty cool. Each of the combed cotton snap-suits or Ts have one of twelve embroidered patches, proudly announcing that this baby is a President- (or chef- or rocket scientist- or veterinarian-) to-be. And they’re not pink or baby blue, either, they’re purple or turquoise or green, colors that any kid would want to wear. The graphics that illustrate each profession are similarly gender-neutral. No nurses in skirts and dude doctors in pants.

Baby Potential clothing is available at the Baby Potential website, as well as at Target.com.

You may have had an exciting career as a banker, chef or publicist. But now that baby has arrived on the scene, you’ve bid adieu to your colleagues, corner office and expense account, and find yourself wondering, “Who am I?” Who knew you’d go existential?

Melissa Stanton, a former People magazine editor, gave up her celeb-filled life to become a SAHM. Stanton, author of The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide: Field-tested strategies for staying smart, sane, and connected while caring for your kids, shares some tips for maintaining your identity in this new phase of life.

Take five: Being a mom is a job. You wouldn’t let work outside the home consume you 24-7, so don’t do it as a SAHM. You still need to see friends and be involved in activities you enjoy.

Know your net worth: Even though you’re not earning an income, you still work all day and deserve some free time and respect. There is value in what you do. If you were employed, wouldn’t you be paying someone to do your SAHM job? Think about that the next time anyone asks you what you did all day and why you need a break.

Stay current: Whether or not you think you want to go back to work, maintain your professional contacts and keep your skills up-to-date.

Give back: Engage in projects that use your non-mommy skills. Volunteering doesn’t mean you have to bake cupcakes — for example, take on something managerial. Be smart about volunteering: If you’re an accountant for instance, become the treasurer of an organization so you can make use of your training and expertise.

See in 3-D: Your identity encompasses many dimensions. You’re a mom as well as a wife, friend, attorney, etc. You’re a professional person currently doing something different. If you’re going to a social event, be prepared to comfortably and confidently answer the question, “What do you do?”

Think money, honey: After making your own money and having a sense of independence, you don’t want to feel like a financial prisoner on an allowance. Asking your partner for money can feel demoralizing. Before the baby arrives, work out how finances will be handled. And consider this: Taking charge of the family finances can lead to a sense of empowerment.

Visit stayathomesurvivalguide.com.

There’s an “f” word that’s a lot longer than four letters but could just as easily sink a job interview if it comes out of your mouth too soon after meeting your perspective employer: “family-friendly,” as in family-friendly work environment.

Lori Long, Ph.D. and author of Family-Friendly Work: Finding the Balance Between Employment and Enjoyment offers some tips for subtly sussing out whether a company is mom-friendly and offers a flexible work schedule:

• Look for signs that people who work there have kids. Are there family photos, fingerpaintings or homemade mugs scattered throughout the cubicles?
• Ask to talk to your (possible) future colleagues. Inquire what it’s like to work there. If the company is serious about hiring you, they’ll try to accommodate such requests.
• Be on the lookout for a company that offers family-oriented benefits such as a lactation room or on-site childcare.
• A family-friendly company (or boss) typically has well-defined standards for measuring performance and/or productivity. If the powers that be don’t have a true way of assessing these, they may rely solely on how much face time you put in.
• Consider asking your current employer whether a more flexible schedule is possible, even if the company has never before made such accommodations. Never say never.

Now about that golden parachute…