You thought you were done with breakups after your ex, but a baby brings about plenty of new relationships. How do you end the ones that just aren’t working?
Speak up and say something says Jodyne Speyer, author of the new book Dump ‘Em: How to Break Up with Anyone from Your Best Friend to Your Hairdresser. Before having “the talk,” she recommends rehearsing what you want to say to keep your message clear. Below, Speyer offers tips on how to (kindly and respectfully) cut ties with three common relationships that popped up during her research with moms:
The OBGYN: Doctors can be intimidating — they speak in medical jargon and tend to catch us at our most vulnerable state (when we’re sick). They’re also very busy, so the best way to dump a doc is via letter. Communicate that you will be a new patient of Dr. X, effective immediately. Include your new physician’s contact info, and ask that your medical records and relevant information be sent to her. This letter is also the time to tell your doctor why you are leaving — it’s empowering to let her know if she did something wrong, and may benefit future patients.
The nanny: Before firing your nanny, make sure your expectations have been clearly established. Make your needs crystal clear, tell her what she is not doing and give her a warning. Let her know that if she doesn’t change, her job is at risk. If a “breakup” is in order, carefully rehearse what you are going to say and keep things clear and concise. Talk to her when the children are out of the house. Start by saying something positive, and then remind her of the warning. Tell her that because she hasn’t changed, you are letting her go. If applicable, give her a letter of recommendation and offer severance pay (usually two weeks). Thank her for her time with your children and ask if she would like to come back to say a proper good-bye to them. If she has something to say, let her respond. Express compassion, but let her know that your decision is final. The last step is to call anyone who needs to know that she is no longer your nanny and not to release your children to her, such as your kids’ school, security guards, doormen, extracurricular instructors and other parents.
The parents of your kid’s friend: Be sensitive when it comes to dumping other parents because you don’t want it to affect your children (plus you’ll probably still see the adults at school). Take control of the conversation as soon as the other parent tries to make plans with you. If she tells you that she bought tickets to the movies on Friday, thank her, but let her know that you are busy. If you need to, blame your spouse and his/her busy schedule. If she still doesn’t get the message, speak to her away from your children. Acknowledge the discomfort in having the conversation, then let her know how busy you are with your family and friends — which unfortunately, doesn’t allow any time for her. Apologize if it hurts her feelings, but make it clear that you want to avoid any miscommunication in the future.
Visit dumpemthebook.com.