You can’t help but describe your in-laws with a lot of “o” words — overbearing, over-involved, overwhelming. Throw those endearing qualities into the mix once your baby is born and the postpartum chaos escalates.
UB spoke with NY-area psychotherapist and parenting coach Tammy Gold about tips for preemptively (and politely) clamping down on the in-laws before bringing baby home from the hospital:
- During the pregnancy, or soon thereafter, design as a couple a “parental plan” and “parental philosophy” to navigate the postpartum period and beyond. The plan covers who is going to do what when (night feedings, grocery shopping, greeting visitors). The philosophy deals with all the emotional stuff such as family issues and house rules.
- Respectfully communicate your rules on everything from naps and pacifiers to bottle feedings to your in-laws. Perhaps even give them a written list.
- Be clear about when they’ll visit, whether they’ll bunk in your 700-square-foot apartment and what they’ll be doing (caring for the baby? running errands?).
- Outline your philosophy on baby presents and the fact that you don’t want weekly deliveries from FAO.
- Get on the same page regarding the bris/baby naming/christening and your preferences for the size and tone of the event.
- Have a response ready for any unsolicited (translation: undermining) parenting advice they may hurl your way. Verbalize your opinion and explain that you’re trying to figure out things on your own.
- Decide on a secret password to use with your sig-o when you want to bid adieu to your in-laws (or any other guests overstaying their welcome).
We told you so.
For more information, visit goldparentcoaching.com.