Topics

Redwood City’s Counsyl has a new testing kit for prospective parents: They each spit in a tube, mail it back to Counsyl, and the company screens for more than 400 genetic mutations, including those for sickle cell anemia, Tay-Sachs, and cystic fibrosis. If each sample shows a marker for a mutation, the parents can consider their options, which include IVF and testing of the resultant embryos. The Counsyl Universal Genetic Test is $350.

Geneticists point out that the test has its limits–there are many diseases not covered, and some are so complex that couples may go through IVF (an expensive and arduous process) for nothing. Possessing a genetic marker for a disease doesn’t necessarily mean you will develop it. But since previous genetic tests required a blood sample and are generally looking only for a specific disease (such as one that affects a family member), this is a significant stride forward. Is it worth $350? Nervous parents-to-be, your guess is as good as mine.

One thing’s for sure, the test is easy to get. Unlike blood-sample genetic screenings, which require a trip to a clinic, Counsyl is available online.

A recent column in the Washington Post, “With rising child-care cost, many parents are paying to work,” brought to light a parenting issue that many keep to themselves: for some middle-class families, the cost of daycare is more than one of the parent’s salaries.

“I really thought it wouldn’t get much worse than the unpaid college internship. I raced from that gig in my duct-taped car to make it to my paying job as a waitress. I barely scraped by,” writes Post columnist Petula Dvorak. “But 20 years later, I’m horrified to realize that my ramen days were more lucrative than the illogical mess I’ve got going today. Because right now, most weeks, I actually pay to work. And I’m not the only one.”

So why work at all? The Post spells it out.

“‘If you’re leaving the workforce to take care of your kids, that financial calculus may make sense in the immediate year or two,’ said Heather Boushey, a senior economist with the D.C.-based Center for American Progress…. ‘But looking at the long-term economic health of a family, that can be devastating.’ When you step off a work path, you lose seniority, experience, benefits — workforce capital that is difficult to regain once the kids are in school (assuming they go to a free public school, of course).”

Such parents are reluctant to talk about their issue, because they’ll be swiftly (and judgmentally) advised to quit work. But as Amy Graff, a writer for San Francisco Chronicle blog The Mommy Files has it, there are reasons both tangible and intangible: “You might wonder why I worked but our family needed that little bit of money to survive in San Francisco, and I loved my job. Plus, it would have been risky for me to take a break from working at a point when I was young in my career. I had been out of college for only six years.”

Riffing on this, Graff also called daycare centers in San Francisco to see how much they charge to care for infants (prices are higher than for older children). She got back a range of costs, from a low of $1,280 and a shocking high of $1,851 a month. That’s a high of more than $22,000 a year and a vast chunk of family change to drop. Not to mention that many of the centers are difficult or impossible to get into, as San Francisco has a dearth of options for infant daycare and is undergoing a bit of a baby boom. So…good luck with that.

An East Bay school district made national news this week when the Alameda Board of Education voted to replace a curriculum that emphasized tolerance for gay people with a more general lesson about bullying.

The original lesson, a.k.a. “Lesson 9,” became a hot topic due to the national controversy over gay marriage, and became an extremely divisive issue amongst East Bay Parents, sparking weeks of intense meetings, and a lawsuit. Gay parents hoped that Lesson 9 would prevent their children getting grief, while other parents argued that elementary school children aren’t old enough to learn about gay issues.

The new curriculum agreed upon by the board will include six children’s books that talk about stereotypes and how they hurt people, including gays.

A dozen Alameda families sued the school district earlier this year, contending that parents should be notified in advance of the gay-tolerant lessons, so their kids can be excused. The judge in the case sided with the district, ruling that a state law that allows parents to “opt-out” of discussions about human sexuality was not applicable to Lesson 9.

Having heard horror stories about San Fran’s public schools, I’ve been surprised how many nice schools I’ve seen during this fall’s school tour process. Seems like I’m not alone in being pleasantly shocked, if a post last week from SF Gate blog The Mommy Files is to be believed. In “Let’s Face It: S.F. Has Good Public Schools” writer Amy Graff teases out several pertinent nuggets proving her case, such as:

• After nearly 40 years of declining enrollment, the San Francisco Unified School District’s applications went up by 308 in 2008, with 500 more in 2009.
• Enrollment is up so much that a closed school, De Avila on Haight Street, will be open next year.
• Earlier in 2009, “San Francisco schools posted the highest test scores (API) among urban districts in the state, far surpassing even the state average in both math and English.”
• The number of San Francisco public school students taking Advanced Placement tests has increased every year since 2000 and in 2009 increased 20 percent.

Of course, enrollment is still way down compared to a decade or two ago: enrollment in 2009 is about 55,000 students, a decrease from 62,000 in 1995. But after declining for four decades, a blip upwards is very interesting, indeed.

My theory? Housing is so expensive everywhere that parents figure they might as well stay renting in the city instead of splitting for the suburbs. It’s the influx of these parents (PTA membership is also way up in the city!) that are changing the schools, fast.

Let’s put aside the question of whether or not you want to get the H1N1 vaccine because that is one spicy meatball, and for the time being assume you want to get it for yourself or your children. The first few flu-vaccine clinics last weekend were swamped with patients seeking the vaccine, waiting hours on line according to the San Francisco Chronicle. There will be more clinics in November, and only time will tell what the waits there will be like.Vaccine events vary in each city; you can supposedly go to your city’s public health department website (here is a list of California health departments) for more information. Many of the sites are all but useless, with a lot of information on covering your mouth when you cough but not much about where to get the vaccine they keep advising you to get. San Francisco’s site is typical in that it tells you to call your primary care provider and ask about vaccines, but the San Franicsco health department’s swine flu Twitter feed has more up-to-date information, and SF residents can also call 311 for updates. Contra Costa’s public health department site is a welcome contrast from SF’s, with detailed info on upcoming drive-through flu clinics.

Many Walgreens, Rite Aid, and CVS MinuteClinic locations also have the H1N1 shots; call the stores nearest you to ask. Kaiser patients can phone 800-573-5811 to find out where to go get the shot. Walgreens also has dedicated flu shot clinics. Flu.gov has a ton of information and links that will panic you and make you say “Just tell me where to get the shot! Argh!” Hmm, maybe you’re better off calling your primary care physician after all.

No parent likes to imagine the specter of disposable diapers piling up in the landfills when she chucks another used one into the Diaper Champ, but the eco-friendly options are so unappealing. Washing cloth diapers at home necessitates the touching of lots of nasty things (and probably a malodorous diaper pail in the bathroom); gDiapers aren’t as flushable in antique Bay Area plumbing as they could be; diaper-free can be a full-time job.

Sunnyvale’s Earth-Baby is a nice halfway alternative for the parent who wants to lower her carbon footprint without stress. For $29.99 a month the company delivers compostable disposables, and picks them up weekly when they’re um, full. You still have to pay for the corn-based diapers (about $12 for a pack of 22-44, depending on size) and wipes, but it still works out to be a bit cheaper than cloth diaper services. And everything you hand back to the company is either composted, recycled, or reused.

Earth-Baby serves San Francisco and South Bay/Peninsula cities as far down as Santa Cruz. Call 650-641-0975 or visit earth-baby.com.

Everyone made a big huge deal about the wife of Twitter’s CEO tweeting her labor last week in San Francisco, but her tweets, while amusing (I liked “Epidural, yes, please,” at 2:49 a.m.), added up to a mere three posts during the labor itself. What’s far more interesting at this point is to follow Sara Williams’ Twitter feed, as well as that of her husband Evan, to see a picture of a couple bowled over by their newborn. “Up to our ears in baby products. Favorites so far: the Woombie and Itzbeen,” said Sara two days ago, while Evan posted Monday: “Checking the Twitters with the boy.” Awww.

If you’d like to follow the Williams’ example, maybe you’d be interested in a project called the Kickbee, a prototype developed by a New York new daddy who wanted to be more immersed in his growing child’s development. Sensors strapped around the pregnant belly send wireless updates to Twitter: “Wow I’m being very active! I kicked Mommy 13 times at 03:44AM on Thu, Dec 11!” What better way to show your spouse the agony of constant fetal kicking than a whole bunch of Tweets?

Taking a CPR/emergency class for infants and children is such a pain…but not as big a pain as helplessly watching a child choke or stop breathing in front of you. CPR classes are offered daily all over the Bay Area, and many organizations will give lessons free to a group of parents. Make learning CPR the focus of your next mommy-get-together, or contact one of these fine civic organizations:

DayOne: This San Francisco parenting support organization offers several classes monthly for $45.

CPR Family: Classes in San Rafael and San Francisco run $35-75; pre-crawling babies are welcome.

American Red Cross: The paterfamilias of lifesaving organizations offers classes in most communities for around $50. Type in your ZIP code to find the location nearest you.

SafetyMax: Will give seminars for groups of 12 (minimum) in your Bay Area home or office.

CPR Education Seminars: Teaches safety classes all over the North and South Bay as well as in San Francisco.

Ask most parents their biggest hope for their kids and they’ll give the same answer: “I just want them to be happy.” But no one seems to know exactly how that’s done. Does it involve parents always being around or letting kids develop their independence? Is it all about limits and discipline, or should you merely ignore bad behavior and praise the good? If you give your kids dessert every night, are you teaching them to enjoy sweets in moderation or getting them addicted to sugar?

Well, Christine Carter’s Half Full blog probably won’t weigh in on that last one, but the first two questions are eminently fair game as this UC Berkeley PhD, whose specialty is the study of happiness in children, synthesizes social science research to provide sensible advice to parents. Popular past topics include “How Not to Raise an Ungrateful Brat” and “The Right Way to Praise Kids” (hint: praise effort, not innate qualities). Hey, now you have the science to back up your opinions. Nice!

Economic hard times have an unexpected beneficiary: kids, who suddenly get to spend more time with out-of-work Daddy. Eighty percent of recent recession layoffs have been male; that leaves an awful lot of fathers “getting thrown into roles at home,” says Jeremy Adam Smith, San Francisco author of new book The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family.

But the new crop of homebound Daddies is just a continuation of several-decades-long trend in America, Smith told the New York Times‘ blog Motherlode: “Today, 80 percent of mothers work and a third of wives make more money than their husbands. In response, men have evolved, though many people fail to see it. Since 1965 the number of hours that men spend on childcare has tripled. Since 1995 it has nearly doubled. Fathers now spend more time with their children than at any time since researchers started collecting longitudinally comparable data.”

As Smith’s argues, never have American couples had more of a need for flexibility, with each pitching in on home, work, and childcare duties as needed. In response, dads are throwing themselves into the stay-at-home-dad job; and finding it as exhausting, exhilarating and demanding as their wives.